when I say people put him at the center of everything, I mean lyanna and elia’s worth and/or importance often is measured in relation to rhaegar and his wants. i.e. lyanna is evil because she chose rhaegar, elia is worthless because she couldn’t give rhaegar three children, lyanna is stupid because she ran away with rhaegar, elia is annoying because she’s an impediment to rhaegar’s happiness, etc etc. they are not often fairly judged or evaluated as individuals, instead they are placed in the context of rhaegar’s desires and his alleged supreme importance above them all.

this is seen not only with rhaegar, but many other male characters in the series. lyanna’s importance in the context of the narrative is only ever in relation to other men– what she meant to ned, what she meant to robert, and what she meant to rhaegar. the picture we form of her is based on how men perceived her, how they knew her, or what they wanted her for. their desires and emotions are paramount to hers, and she is only important because of what she meant to them.

this can be seen in elia’s case with her relationship with rhaegar, oberyn, and doran. however, in oberyn’s case we are allowed to see her as an individual who deserves justice because of what was done to her, and oberyn forces everyone to answer for that crime. so while it’s nice we’re allowed a little subversion on that point, it does not change the fact that what we see of her is what the men in the story want us to know about her. when we think of elia as oberyn’s sister instead of her own person, or lyanna as ned’s sister instead of her own person, we fall victim to the male-centered narratives, where women only seem to exist to cause them emotional pain or physical pleasure, and that’s the only thing that matters.

💖